Ragnarok for Order
by PuppySlayer
Summary: After dying in a lame car accident, Gendo returned from the dead for some man to man talk with Fuyutsuki. A 1hour 'crapfic' challenge by DartzIRL.


Ragnarok for Order

Disclaimer: Puppyslayer is not responsible for kick starting any waves of 1-hour crapfic.

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"Just hit me already!" Gendo bellowed. His non protected eyes squinted at his old friend.

"You sure you're not under the influence of some extinct pop-culture that could be contributed by millennia of female domination of males?

Gendo slapped his right check twice in quick succession. Then he stuck a finger in his hollowed cheek.

"Right here, old pal. Make like a bitch," Gendo challenged the freaked out Fuyutsuki.

Fuyutsuki widened his steps and raised his fists in a boxing position. If Gendo Ikari was actually put to trial for all his crime against humanity, he would probably be labeled the greatest evil genius of the 21st century. But this was pure madness. The kind of insanity mixed with equal stupidity as you challenged your friend to see who could take more staple shot to their penis.

"Swear you won't regret this and kill me later," Kozo shouted.

Gendo spitted on his well polished floor and swept some expensive desk ornament crashing to the ground.

"What's with this pussying around, man? Shinji would have whooped my ass if he was given half a shot at it.

Kozo stepped forward into striking range. His right fist pulled all the way back like a full strung bow. The old professor was going to make this his best punch ever. All those years spent in the university, and not being able to tap those young asses there; the dark emotion from all those frustration converted into pure strength. He was going to rearrange the teeth of this son of a bitch and make him swallow his blood.

Then Gendo shot his hand forward and made an about turn.

"What the fuck?!" Kozo protested. Blood flowed again from his tightly held fist.

"I just need a moment. Seconds, to gather my immortal power. This thing come and goes; like how Goku turn into Super Saiyan, and then back into normal edition Goku."

Kozo chipped in. "Like an erection?"

"Yeah, just like an Eva sized boner. Alright, I just need to focus my mind on something. Think Rei. Naked. With Asuka. Also naked. Me in the middle, all covered with cream and honey."

Kozo fought his urge to puke right there and turned around. The supreme commander was holding his chin and resting his ass against his massive desk, stuck in his fantasy,

"Call me when you're done."

"No, wait. Let's get it on now."

Kozo turned around, and studied the face of his one time student. Not to reminiscient, but to carefully record how this fucker looked like before he got rocked so hard he forgot how to use his cock.

"Motherfucker!"

Gendo remembered a time before he became a megalomaniac dictator hellbent on burning the world down for a sliver of a chance to resurrect his dead wife. He lived his childhood like all healthy psychokillers; a beat-up dad who would come home drunk and whip his ass for not stealing enough lunch money to buy beer. He also had a sister which he couldn't get a chance to sleep with because he didn't have the cash. Such was the bright and positive development he had as a child, as he slowly dreamt of taking over the world when other kids were playing soldier.

His strict upbringing of a depraved childhood meant no toys for Gendo. But Gendo knew his father was just following the code of conduct for irresponsible shitty dad. It turned out all good in the end. If not, he would just be playing with Optimus Prime or was it Gundam back then? No, Gendo was grateful for all the disciplined teaching his dad passed on through the crack of his belt. Gendo did not need toys. All he had was imagination and that was all he needed. The beautiful blue haired doll he played with in his mind as he sucked in the intoxicating smell of his neighbour's panties, it would all become a dream come true.

"Thanks dad, I love you." Gendo remembered the time when he called back to inform his dad he forgot about the leaking gas which cooked his dad alive, with their neighbors as well.

The satisfying crack brought an evil grin to Fuyutsuki as Gendo rolled over his desk and flopped to the floor like a dead fish. That asshole had it coming. He wished he could call Misato and Ritsuko in to lay a few more but he needed Gendo alive, barely, but definitely not dead.

Blam!

Gendo pawed his desk and pushed himself up, grunting all the way.

"That fucking hurts. It was like that time Yui dropkicked me after she found out I was performing medical checkup on Ritsu."

"Uhh, when Yui was still around, Ritsuko is what? Twelve, thirteen?" Kozo looked bewildered as he put a square into a round hole.

"I'm not the lolipedofiend for nothing," Gendo breathed as he rested his ass on the large recliner.

Kozo followed suit and sat in front of Gendo, The supreme commander already got his sunglasses on but the swelling was peeking out from the edge. Looked like "No laughter at work" week is in order.

"This einherjar shit isn't all that sexed up. I'm still mortal."

Gendo coughed and corrected himself.

"Ahem, not so immortal. Even a god king can die, you know?"

"I still don't buy this whole, dying and chosen by a beautiful goddess to become a warrior of god thing." Kozo dealt with near supernatural science derived from the Dead Sea Scroll. His mind was open to the impossible, but the nonsense spewed by Gendo had its own library.

Gendo abused the table to make his statement.

"Then how do you explain me coming back from the dead? This super-duper hot goddess came from the heaven and chosen me. She made me an einherjar!"

"No shit, Yui with half her face fallen off and clawing towards you and you would still call her a goddess," Kozo took a shot.

"Only if she was wearing a nurse uniform!" Gendo countered.

The two men pondered for a moment and came to the same conclusion. Nurse zombie is hot.

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Authors Note: Dartz 1-hour challenge was surprisingly well received. So yeah, those who wrote stuff and hangout at 402, you know who you are and I would like to congratulate all of you here instead of being responsible person and drop a personalized review.

I just finished Valkyrie Profile 2, that's the reason for all the einherjar thing. Hrist is made of ownage.


End file.
